Because
by yure-chan
Summary: Iruka wasn't sure why he held on to a relationship which was failing.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Kakashi and Iruka.**

Iruka drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around it. The tears flowed uncontrollably from the brown orbs. The apartment was quiet. He was alone. Sobbing, he buried his face into his arms.

They had done it again. It wasn't the first time and it won't be the last. The arguments got worse every time. He did not know if it was his short temper or his lover's nonchalance that causes it. But he was well aware that the patience was wearing thin. They quarrel at almost every single thing that they couldn't agree on. It wouldn't hold. That he was sure. Someday, that thin line of hope would just snap and everything will just tumble down with it.

His silver-haired lover had left the apartment in silent frustration after yet another of the younger man's outbursts. He had watched as the jounin walked out the door, but made no attempt to get him to stay. He needed the time alone. Needed the time to sort out his thoughts and make a decision on whether this should continue.

He could not remember what triggered off the conflict this time. But it had something to do with Kakashi's tendency to disappear and appear as and when he likes. He wondered how long more he could hold out before he eventually snap and tell the older man to get out of his life.

He mused at life's ironies. There were so many times he wanted to let go. But for whatever reasons, he just couldn't. So many times he wanted to tell the jounin to just leave him alone, but whenever he look into the mismatched eyes, he just could not get the words out. And now, as he thought about it, he can't even remember why he couldn't make himself leave the other man.

He was tired. Drowning in a battle of contradictions and denials. He could find no land in sight. Or anything that could possibly save his life. He thought of all the possible logics on why he should end this relationship. And then he gave in, and allowed the overwhelming darkness to consume him.

* * *

He felt something cold over his eyes. Shifting a little, he realized that it was warm around him. He groaned and reached his hand up to remove the cold contact against his eyes.

A hand grabbed his and gently prevented him from removing the ice pack.

"Don't touch it. Keep it there a while more. It will bring the swelling down."

Kakashi. He had no idea when the older man had returned or when he had been shifted from the corner of the living room to the bed which they shared. But he could hear the worry and the edge in the tone. Slowly, he pulled his hand from the other man's and pulled the covers up.

There was a heavy sigh followed by a moment of silence. Then a murmur.

"I'm sorry." The voice was heavy and sad, lacquered with a layer of pain.

And he felt the tears again. He did not resist when the other man reached out to wipe the tears with tender hands. Slowly, he was lifted up into an embrace. The ice pack slipped from his eyes and he met the mismatched eyes filled with sorrow and apologies.

"I'm sorry."

And as he clung on to the shirt and sobbed into the shoulders, with the hands stroking his back tenderly, he knew why he couldn't let go. He knew why despite all logics, he wasn't able to bring himself to end it. He understood the reasons why he had hang on for so long.

Because the jounin will always let him have his way. Because he will always apologize just to make Iruka happy. Because he will never do anything to hurt him on purpose. Because, despite everything, Kakashi will always be there to give him the silent comfort and support.

Because he had fallen hopelessly in love with the legendary copy ninja.

Kakashi is like the drug that Iruka was hooked to. He couldn't let go and he wouldn't let go. The warm caresses and loving words would soothe the raging ocean, which was Iruka's heart.

And as Iruka tighten his grip on the other man, he knew that he will remember why in spite of it all, he was still clinging on to Kakashi. It wasn't that he couldn't let go, but he doesn't want to. And until the next time when they quarrel, which he was sure won't be too far off, he will continue to remember it all.


End file.
